A rather typical wednesday

This is one of those weeks where you wait for the fun to happen.

Friday afternoon, one of my best friends in the world is going to come into town, and we'll laugh, joke, and enjoy each other's company. We'll hunt for good food, and explore the fun of Halloween. I just have to get to Friday.

At work, there's a recent wave of open jobs posted. In 2009, the company downsized, and is just beginning to build back the staff it needs to work. I've been applying like crazy for positions just above me, and have been on some interviews. I'm also applying outside of work, at universities, so I can obtain some opportunity for graduate education. None of it, though, is what I want to do.

But what do I want to do?

There's two things I want to do. Write and perform. The writing I know what's required of me, and it's a matter of prioritizing the time to do so. When Twilight Tales existed, it was easier to 'stress' myself into productivity. It's how I got through school. Make myself frightened enough, and miracles happen. It's just not healthy.

The other is performance. And that's tricky. Years ago, boosted by my perception of myself at faire, I tried out for roles in Chicago theatre. The only ones I ever got were 'make fun of the fat guy' roles. I was never able to either abandon that role, or own it in a way that didn't want me to cut my wrists. Recently, there's been an alternative, one where I feel I have control, but I'll get to that later in the blog.

My concern with both is that it's too late. I've put my time into database entry and business administration, the 'fallbacks' I thought I was supposed to have. And now that's my life. I never fell back. I started here, and anything I want to do requires 'climbing up'.

So I begin. I begin on the day where everything feels like shit, where I have a day left before I face family I really don't care for, in an environment that's really uncomfortable. Where -everything- is wrong, and hope is far away.

I begin today, so I'm ready for Friday.
And all the Fridays coming.

FYI, this will be where fiction resides, where I put in my practice, and follow up on the results. This will follow up on theatre as well, and my attempts to do something within that world. There will be more. Likely fewer politics, some religion, and some NSFW content. Away we go.